The Weary Traveler
Today I woke up feeling worn and resistant to the day ahead. As I stirred through the morning, the quote “Wherever you go, there you are” flowed into my mind. The words served as a reminder that the inner work—the need for deep nurturing, and returning to yourself is continuous. This work is just as necessary on days when we feel full of life, as the days when we would prefer to turn over again, pressing the snooze button and stepping away from any (or all) obligations.
Two and a half years ago I had a wild opportunity to move from the US to Hong Kong with my partner. We decided the timing in our lives was right and the opportunity was beyond worth it. As “why not” echoed loudly within, we went for it.
When I arrived I was overflowing with an eagerness to explore and to take advantage of this beautiful opportunity. The possibilities of the unknown called to me. I felt like I was running towards life.
Yet the deeper I settled in, the more I became overwhelmed with fear and uncertainty. At times I felt far from the brave explorer I had intended to be and more like the weary traveler I dreaded becoming. My focus started to shift to all that I had left behind. Meanwhile my list of things I should be doing made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. I was losing sight of all that was around me and beginning to feel disconnected and incapable.
I dug into the struggle. The deeper I got, the more I realized that these were not new feelings or thoughts. Nope, I was clearly stuck in a familiar cycle of negativity and self-doubt. Regardless of where I was standing in the world, I was still me and still susceptible to the same insecurities I had struggled through in the past (“Wherever you go, there you are”).
Recognition is not a bad thing. I see it as a powerful tool to help us identify our innermost needs and to connect with them. It was time for me to reconnect.
I sought support from my community here as well as back home and received love and encouragement. I was reminded that I needed to connect with myself again. I needed to go inward beginning right where I was in order to move forward. So I ventured inward.
I returned to self-care practices that freed me from the confines of my mind, like deep breathing, movement, and writing. I sought insight through classes, coaching sessions, and therapy. I listened to podcasts and audiobooks—some for sheer enjoyment and others to learn skills to overcome limiting beliefs. As I practiced caring for myself, I was able to begin again and again and again. In order to move forward, I needed to return to myself and nurture even the most basic of my needs.
Fast forward back to today….those feelings I awoke with stayed with me. But that quote did as well. I knew I needed to shift my perspective and to do that I needed to go inward again.
As I ended work, I took time for myself. I walked to my favorite park to just be. I took time to write and to observe. I let the movement of life around me become a soothing soundtrack as I breathed deeply. I left when I felt ready, when my inner dialogue shifted to “I am capable. I am enough. I am doing all that I can with what I have.”
As I walked on from the park I couldn’t help but feel lighter. The city returned to its electric vibrance and I could appreciate just being alive within this beautiful opportunity once again.
Caring for ourselves is something we can do consistently to feel a sense of stability and grounding. It is also something that we can deepen during the days when life feels heavier. Recognition can be a powerful tool and getting to know yourself and your needs is a powerful resource.
What are your go to acts of self-care when you are having a difficult day? What helps you return to yourself?
