Celebrating Your Worth
Notes on being your own damn validator
Validation is an impactful form of expression that allows us to connect with one another and help each other to feel seen.
But what happens when we rely solely on recognition from others, rather than seek it from within ourselves?
Seeking only external validation does not satisfy our internal longing. It is a temporary fix that conditions us to believe our worth is determined by factors outside of ourselves. When we lean on the words of others rather than on our own belief in ourselves, we run the risk of never feeling enough or of waiting for others to feel satisfied with us before we can feel satisfied with ourselves.
Why do we wait?
What if you were able to be your own source of validation? What if you could turn your attention inward rather than wait on someone else to tell you you’ve done well?
I relied heavily on external validation for much of my life. I thrived off of affirmations and praise for my accomplishments. I longed for nods of approval that I was living life in the way I “should be”. If I wasn’t receiving acknowledgement from others, my sense of self often felt depleted.
WOW - Cue the spiral of internal pressure!
It took a challenging professional experience to help me lean into my own voice of validation…
I was working in an environment where there was very little acknowledgement for a “job well done”. Instead, I received an excessive amount of critiquing, which I perceived as messages of “not enough”. The feedback I received was contradictory at times and much more direct than I had ever received before. This was a stark contrast from my previous places of employment where I felt supported, valued and seen. I struggled. Every time my boss would speak with me, I could feel myself shrinking. The connection was unfulfilling and I often felt undervalued and out of place. For a seeker of validation, this felt defeating.
The longer I sat in the discomfort, the more curious I became about my situation and the impact it was having on me. As I began to shift my perspective, I saw an opportunity. I reflected on my current role and the effort I was bringing to it in order to fulfill expectations. I considered the years of professional and personal experience and the valuable skills I developed along the way. I allowed myself to acknowledge that I was more than capable. I chose to listen to the feedback as information for growth rather than information of failure and kept showing up for myself.
When I experienced success, I celebrated it. When I faced a challenge, I encouraged myself. When I needed a break, I gave myself grace and deepened my breath. I turned this opportunity into a chance to practice my skills and honor my progress.
Often some of our most challenging experiences give us insight into ourselves and provide valuable opportunities for growth.
We can accept external validation and soak it in for gentle reminders along the way.
But ultimately, we have the power to decide our own worth and lean into our own capabilities.
We can take time to reflect on all that we are and all that we have accomplished.
We can receive feedback as information and filter through it without losing our sense of self.
We can validate our own journey without leaning on pleasing others or giving all of ourselves in order to feel seen.
What Are the Things That YOU Need to Hear?
What would it mean to your wellbeing to be able to look within and see your worth?
What would it feel like to reflect on all that you have overcome, all that you have survived and conquered to see someone completely capable?
After all, you are here because of your capability -
Your capability to stand within the muck and JUST. KEEP. GOING…
Your willingness to reach out for help
Your ability to lean on supports when you needed
Your unrelenting determination to rise through the tides of life…
Each setback, each experience, each moment you emerged stronger, wiser...completely capable.
See your good. See your worth.
Be your own damn validator.
-Kristen
